Sickly Musings
by becausethereisonepiece
Summary: Zoro's delusional, it's really cold, and Christmas is ruined. What else is new? A Christmas themed Zosan fic for the Zosan Christmas exchange.


The first thing Sanji heard when he entered his apartment, finally safe from the blistering cold, was a loud hacking cough. Gross.

"Well, that can't be good," he muttered to himself, making his way through the cramped kitchen and into the living room, determined to find his husband who was obviously the source of the noise.

At first, Sanji didn't see Zoro. Rather, he nearly ended up tripping over him and the huge pile of blankets he was hidden under. "What the hell are you doing on the floor Marimo?" Sanji barked, annoyed at almost being tripped.

The only response he received was a quiet moan of pain, dampened by what might have been at least sixty blankets. How did Zoro even find that many blankets?

"Ew. Are you sick?" Sanji asked, crouching down beside his hidden spouse.

"I don't get sick. People with green hair don't get sick. Everyone knows that." Zoro croaked from beneath his blanket burrito.

"What? You're making even less sense than usual Marimo. Get off the floor."

"Nooooo. It's comfortable down here," Zoro moaned, shifting slightly under the pile.

"I somehow doubt that," Sanji muttered, groping blindly at the pile in hopes of finding Zoro's shoulder.

As soon as Sanji touched the other man's shoulder (or maybe that was his knee) Zoro sat up suddenly and nearly smashed his forehead into Sanji's chin. He glanced around blearily, until his gaze fell somewhere in Sanji's general direction. "Sanji. Sanji, I'm going to die." Zoro said, nodding to himself as if what he was saying actually made sense.

"You aren't going to die, Zoro. You're just sick." he grumbled, pressing the back of his hand to Zoro's forehead. "Jez. You're burning up! Why didn't you say anything about this earlier?"

"Tell the kids that I love them." Zoro said, completely ignoring Sanji's question as he lay back down on the floor.

"We don't have kids!"

"Oh. Well we should get some."

"I can't do this right now." Sanji muttered, dragging his hand down his face as he stood from his crouch.

"Do what? Have kids? I think if you try hard enough, anything's possi-"

"Oh my god, I'm taking you to the ER."

"Babe. Babe no. I'm totally fine," Zoro insisted, sitting back up again. "Let me just lay here and we'll have Christmas like normal."

"Like hell you are." Sanji snapped, making his way over to the small hallway closet that held their winter clothes. "And don't call me babe. That's weird. You're weird and gross and we're going to the ER."

"Baaaaaabe."

Sanji simply threw Zoro's gloves at his head in response. "Men are such babies when they get sick. You're lucky I put up with you."

**xXx**

Getting Zoro off the floor was honestly more of a struggle than Sanji had originally thought it would be. Zoro continued to hide under his blanket pile and insist that he wasn't sick even through his loud coughing that punctuated every other sentence insisted otherwise.

Eventually Sanji had to resort to bribery and he didn't feel nearly as badly as he should have. "If you get off the floor I'll cook whatever you want for the rest of the year."

"Anything I want?"

"Yep. I'll cook you want for the rest of the year.

"Holy shit!" Zoro croaked, sitting up. "For real?"

"Uh-huh. That's right." Sanji didn't have the heart to tell Zoro that the New Year was only a week away.

"Damn, you're gonna regret this cook. I'm gonna eat Oni-Giri every fucking day." Zoro rasped as he struggled to get untangled from the blankets. "No take backs." Zoro muttered, almost as an afterthought.

"Of course not. What am I? Five?" Sanji retorted, holding his hand out which Zoro seemed to grasp almost gratefully.

"Yes."

"Oh shut up," Sanji groaned as he pulled Zoro to his feet, resisting the temptation to drop Zoro right back on his ass. "Damn you're heavy."

"It's your cooking. It's going to my thighs," Zoro muttered, slurring slightly.

"I hate you," Sanji snapped, adjusting himself so he could support Zoro's left side.

"I hate you more." Zoro sneered, scrunching up his nose ever so slightly.

"Doubtful."

"I don't-ACHOO!"

"Oh my god! Did you just sneeze on me? What the fuck, Zoro? That's fucking nasty!"

"Mmm… There's snot in your hair."

"I'm gonna fucking kill you!"

**xXx**

After washing his hair out in the kitchen sink and forcing Zoro to apologize for ruining perfect hair, ("Do you know how long it takes to get my hair to look like this every morning? Do you moss for brains?") the couple finally made their way down the three flights of stairs to their apartment's parking lot.

"I thought your hair looked good with a little green in it."

"Don't push your luck asshole. I've heard enough shit from you today to last me a lifetime," Sanji muttered as he forced the passenger side door to their car open for Zoro against the biting wind.

"Whatever. It's the truth."

Sanji struggled with the urge to kick Zoro into the nearest snowbank but decided against it when he noticed that the Marimo was swaying ever so slightly on his feet. "You dizzy?"

"Yeah. Everything's kinda blurry," he answered gruffly, as he swiped his gloved hand under his runny nose.

Sanji rolled his eyes as Zoro basically fell into the passenger seat. "I can't believe you let yourself get this sick." Zoro simply grunted in response.

The green haired man's eyes glazed over slightly as Sanji slammed closed the passenger side door and slid gracefully into the driver's side. Sanji shoved the key into the ignition, causing the car to sputter violently as if protesting to the cold temperatures.

After a few more seconds of sputtering and hacking, the car finally jerked to life and Sanji shot out of the parking lot and onto the main highway, well over the speed limit, causing Zoro to groan in protest. "You're such a bad driver"

Sanji simply grunted in response, gripping the wheel tightly to keep control of the car on the icy roads.

They were silent for a moment, which was usual for the couple. They both found it irritating when others tried to fill up silence with senseless chatter (unless a lovely lady was speaking after all). Silence was a rare occurrence, especially with the type of people they hung out with, and each of the two men savored the quiet whenever it was given. So when Zoro's voice broke through the thin veil of quiet held over the pair Sanji was surprised, so surprised in fact, he nearly drove the car into a snow bank.

"What did you say?" Sanji asked, still a little breathless from the near accident.

"I ruined Christmas didn't I?"

"I'm not really following your weird Marimo thought process. Care to explain?"

Zoro made a frustrated noise at the back of his throat, something he often did when Sanji didn't understand what he was trying to say right away. "It's just, I _know _how much you look forward to Christmas each year and when I realized I was getting… um…"

"Sick?"

"I don't get sick! Now shut up and let me finish," Zoro snapped as Sanji snickered to himself. "But I just didn't want to bother you, you know? I felt like maybe if I waited a while this whole thing would work itself out and everything would be fine and Christmas would be a thing that happens. You know?"

"Christmas isn't going to end just because you're sick Zoro."

Zoro simply groaned, bending over so that he could rest his forehead on his knees.

"It's not that big of a deal. Honestly Zoro, it's not like we're not going to have more Christmases together." Zoro gave another loud groan which Sanji simply sighed at. "Stop it Zoro. You're fine. I honestly think you're more upset about this than I am."

Silence settled over the couple once again and Sanji had figured that Zoro had simply fallen asleep.

"You know, I was thinking…" Zoro said suddenly, sitting up from his hunched over position almost causing Sanji to wreak. _Again._

"You've been doing that a lot lately. Try not to strain yourself to much."

"Shut-_up _I am trying to be serious here." Zoro glared at Sanji, as if daring him to make another snide remark. He didn't. The blonde knew when it was and wasn't time for their senseless banter.

"You know how earlier I was talking about having kids?"

Sanji's eyes widened slightly, trying to figure out where this conversation was going. "Mmhmm."

"Well, I think it would be pretty cool if we had some um… kids," Zoro paused for a moment, swallowing loudly "Only if you want to of course."

The blond let out a quiet sigh, wishing he hadn't left his cigarettes at home in his haste to get Zoro out the door. Zoro had always had the tendency to drop big news on him at the most unexpected times. Regardless, Sanji really felt like he should have seen this coming. They've been together almost five years now, but kids had never really been the first thing on his mind.

"If we have kids we're gonna have to cut back on the swearing," was all Sanji said on the matter, trying to keep calm as he finally pulled into the hospital parking lot.

"Oh shit, you're right." Sanji simply glared at Zoro until he seemed to realize his mistake. "Shit! Sorry. This is hard."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Sanji asked, pulling into the first parking space he came to in the nearly empty parking lot

"Hmm, no. Not really. But that's part of the adventure. We'll figure it out. We always do."

"Oh god. You're starting to sound like Luffy."

"There isn't anything wrong with sounding like Luffy," Zoro huffed.

"Do I need to remind you of the fact that he has eaten a _license plate_?" Sanji retorted, sounding rather exasperated.

"Hey, I never said the guy was smart. He just says some really deep shit sometimes. Generally his revelations seem to come when he's very, very high but still."

"Ain't that the truth," Sanji muttered.

Suddenly Zoro began chuckling to himself quietly, causing Sanji raise a single curled brow. "What?"

"It's nothing really, I was just thinking about how our kid was gonna have a stoner for an uncle."

Sanji let out a loud bark of laughter. "Man. I really feel like we should think out shit like this more."

Zoro simply shrugged.

Sanji stared out the window for a moment, the bright lights of the hospital blurring together slightly. "So, were you freaking out about Christmas before because… you were thinking it was going to be our last Christmas with just the two of us?"

Zoro scowled at the question telling Sanji all he needed to know.

"You're surprisingly sentimental, you know that?" Sanji teased, shoving Zoro's shoulder playfully.

"Yeah, whatever. Don't get used to it shit cook," the green-haired man grumbled.

A beat of silence passed and Sanji figured

"You… you're really alright with the kid thing right?"

Sanji blinked, seeming to think for a moment. "Yeah, I am."

"Cool."

"Yeah, cool."

The couple grinned at one another until another one of Zoro's sneezes broke the silence.

Sanji was forced to take drastic measures and dragged his whiny husband into the E.R. by the hood of his jacket.

**xXx**

A sharp, loud cry woke Sanji up out of a deep slumber. The blond moaned loudly, covering his ears with a pillow. This was not cool. This was the opposite of cool. Nothing could ever be the exact opposite as cool as much as this was. "Zoro," he mumbled. "Wake up. It's your turn to get her."

Zoro let out a sound that fell somewhere between a whine and a snort as he rolled out of bed and onto the floor. "Noooo…"

"Yes, go get her before it gets worse," Sanji snapped, rolling over to the side of the bed to glare at his spouse.

Zoro groaned from his spot on the floor, eventually getting up and stumbling out of their room to the room across the hall.

Zoro returned a few minutes later, waking Sanji back up after dozing off.

"I got the sprog," Zoro said, his voice completely monotone as he stood in the doorway.

Sanji wrinkled his nose at the nickname. "Don't call our kid sprog. She probably just woke up early since it's Christmas. She's excited."

"Christmas or not, if she continues waking us up at 4am she will be called sprog until the end of time," Zoro grumbled as he held the teary eyed baby to his chest.

Sanji glared at the other man until he settled back into bed and passed the whimpering child off to him.

"Good morning Princess!" Sanji cooed, lifting the little girl up in the air. The tiny blonde let out a squeak of terror and Sanji swore loudly as the baby began to cry again.

Zoro moaned, nearly covering his ears at the loud wailing the baby was emitting. "Aw man. What the hell cook? Why'd you make her cry?"

"I didn't mean to make her cry! She usually likes to be lifted up!" Sanji snapped back, causing the crying baby to let out another loud screech.

"Just give her here swirlybrow," Zoro barked.

As soon as Sanji had handed Zoro the crying child, she let out a sneeze loud enough to startle both sleepy parents and the child herself into silence.

"Oh no."

"Shit."

Sanji tried to remain his composure but before he knew what had happened, the blond found himself face down on the bed wallowing into the comforter. "I can't deal with this right now. I just can't. I have done _everything_ a father should do to keep their kid healthy and she still gets the flu. I don't know what I've done to deserve this. I've paid my dues. I refuse to believe that _my_ precious angel is sick. It's impossible."

"Don't you think we should use a thermometer to make sure she's actually sick or…?"

"No! My precious baby is sick and Christmas is ruined," Sanji whined, almost smacking Zoro as he gestured wildly about the room.

"You're so dramatic. Why didn't you freak out this much when I got sick last year?" Zoro asked, bouncing the now giggling baby atop his knee.

Sanji stopped his flailing and directed his gaze to the green haired man. "Because this is our first Christmas together as a family and it's important that everything goes perfectly."

"You know this entire situation is starting to seem eerily very familiar."

"Shut up!" Sanji snapped. "Not another word. Now I'm going to go take a shower. And you're going to go feed our little angel something before we leave to go to the doctor. Got it?"

"Aye-aye, captain curlybrow," Zoro said, as he saluted mockingly.

Sanji flicked off the laughing man and got out of bed towards their attached bathroom, muttering something about 'assholes' all the while.

"Your daddy is pretty easy to rile up," Zoro muttered to the child who still rested atop his knee as soon as Sanji was out of earshot.

The infant answered by projectile sneezing directly into Zoro's face.

"Well, Merry Christmas to you too, Sprog."

**xXx**

**A/N: This is super vaguely related to my Christmas fic I wrote last year, Holiday Homecomings and Shitty Proposals, so if you haven't read that yet you're welcome to check it out. Reviews and concrit are always welcome! **


End file.
